Category Archives: My Faith Journey

The Many Voices of the Spirit

Pumpkin in Woods

The wind was ferocious today,
howling around me as I stood among the boulders in the woods.
It pulled my voice away from me as I called to the dog.
It pushed the trees into each other,
crowding them together as they bent and chattered.
The wind demanded, not to be attended to (for what does the wind need of me)
but to be witnessed.

I thought of the Spirit, which Jesus said blows where it chooses,
blows with mystery, blows to be heard.
And I remembered that the Spirit wind speaks in many ways:
sometimes a whisper, so subtle it could be missed by distracted ears,
sometimes a roar, so impenetrable it cannot be avoided.

So it is with everyone who is born of the spirit, Jesus tells the faithful questioner.
They are coming from who-knows-where, going to who-knows-where,
endlessly liminal, always in between.
And I wonder: am I like that?
Even if I, too, also a faithful questioner, must ask again and again
How can these things be?
Even then am I also spirit-born and wind-blown?

I cannot always decipher the meanings of the Spirit’s many voices,
to translate the language of its whispers and roars.
But I can promise to stay right here, in the middle of the in-between,
to hear and bear witness.

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Filed under Lent, My Faith Journey, Spirituality

A Gentle, Ordinary Season

Memorial Garden Bench

There is not much drama in my faith life these days. It is a quiet-moment, bench-sitting, tea-sipping kind of spiritual season for me.

Some seasons are like that — gentle, ordinary.

My spiritual director reminds me often of Martin Luther’s teaching that prayer can be interwoven into the mundane of our daily personal and work lives. When Luther’s dear friend Peter Beskendorf, a barber, asked Luther how he could compose himself for prayer, Luther wrote him a treatise of advice on praying through times of struggle.

One piece of wisdom he gave the barber? You’re already praying, just by living your life and doing your work.

Real prayer, Luther wrote, is done attentively as “a good and attentive barber keeps his thoughts, attention, and eyes on the razor and hair and does not forget how far he has gotten with his shaving or cutting.” If the barber isn’t paying attention to what he’s doing, he might slip and cut his client.

So it is with prayer, says Luther:

Thus if anything is to be done well, it requires one’s full attention…
How much more does prayer call for the concentration of the whole heart
if it is actually to be a good prayer!

Orange Leaves

So that’s it then. No mystery, no magic.

Sometimes our best prayers are just our simplest moments — our captured hearts, our full attention. Sometimes our spiritual disciplines are composed of nothing more than being here fully, in our work, our play, or our rest.

(Note: You can find Luther’s treatise on prayer easily on the web. It is also published in Luther’s Prayers, edited by Herbert Bokering and Luther’s Works, edited by Jaroslav Pelikan, Hilton Oswald, and Helmut Lehmann.)

 

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The God who is already here

Neighborhood Cat

Why do we rush about looking for God
who is here, at home with us,
if all we want to do is be with God?
(Augustine, On the Trinity VIII)

“Ah, you again…”

I’ve always had a favorite neighborhood cat, everywhere I’ve lived. In central Berkeley, it was this tiny, round, soft-furred little delight with the sweetest little ears. Her name, according to her collar, was Donut. In my current neighborhood, my favorite cat is Matches, whose coat is the perfect mixture of tawny, brown, and white, and whose friendly demeanor charms me every time I encounter him.

I never know exactly which house the neighborhood cat lives in, or who owns it. I just know that, again and again, often when I’ve forgotten to expect it, I run into this familiar feature of my street.

The most staying spiritual lessons of my faith journey are often like those neighborhood cats. They’re special to me, and I like them, and they seem to have this nagging ability to keep showing up. I can’t say I completely understand where they come from, but I’m well acquainted with their repeat appearances: “Ah, you again…”

Don’t look for it outside yourself

Lately, I have been running into this particular cat quite frequently: God is already present with me, closer than my own breath.

I encounter this lesson when I sit in silence at the end of the day and notice a gnawing feeling of separation from God. My soul can get hurried — “Where are you?! Where are you?!” — and then I remember that God’s presence is immovable: it is only my perception of it that waxes and wanes.

I encounter this lesson when I am surprised by the beauty of creation and realize I have somehow forgotten that “every common bush is afire with God,” that every moment is ripe with invitations to come home.

I encounter this lesson when I listen to others speak about their faith journeys: it is a gift to sit on the outside and see the weaving threads of divinity moving in and out of another’s life, even when they’re not able to see it themselves.

The mystic poet Rumi writes:

Wait for the illuminating openness,
as though your chest were filling with Light,
as when God said, Did we not expand you?
Don’t look for it outside yourself…
Beg for that love expansion. Meditate only on that.
(from “A Basket of Fresh Bread”)

Don’t look for the illuminating openness outside yourself. Don’t rush heedlessly through life looking for the God who is already here.

For me, for now, this cat just won’t stop following me home. And thank goodness for that.

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Filed under My Faith Journey, Spirituality